Everyone wants me to have bab(ies). My parents, his family, him, our friends, our relatives… etc., etc…
I am lost in my own thoughts… hoping to make him and everyone happy and fulfilled yet dreading the outcome.
It certainly is a dilemma.
I’m happily married to a wonderful man. And usually what comes after.. buy a house and start a family. Till now.. I am not convinced that I want child(ren), but I don’t want to regret not doing so in the later part of our lives. (Teddy would do respect whatever decision I made and would be an excellent father, I know.)In our reality world, there are a lot troubles of the world, impending environmental doom, bullying at schools, teenage attitudes, marriage turns sour.. All these lead me to endless thoughts, thinking if it will be the right choice to bring someone into this painful place.
(of course, there’s love and warmth too)
But as my circle of friends and relatives start to have kids, I am recognizing that they can bring so much joy that is able to make you smile to yourself unknowingly and the love you feel for them is like nothing else.
Currently, I am going back and forth about if we should have A kid. Not another, just one.
So, blah blah blah… what I can say is I feel that having a baby will change my life (our lives). I start asking myself .. Do I want my life to change? Do I want to have a little person in our home? Do I notice myself having baby fever? Do I start staring a little too long when I see a baby passing me? Do I want to have a teenager around soon after that? Do I want my house to be filled with toys? Do I imagine that when we are an old couple that we’ll have older children to come around once in a while and fill our house with noise, chaos, and laughter? Do we have the right environment and what it takes to be good parents? If you think YES, then you probably ought to go for it. But for me, it’s majority NO!!!
I guess it’s just me. I get a bit (maybe more than just a bit) irritated about being around noisy and active kid, screaming and yelling at the top of their voice. Not forgetting the amount of time spent on them – to take care and nurture them, and the huge sums of MONEY! Everyone says that as soon as the “little one” comes into my life, my feelings will change. And that my patience and tolerance levels will increase and I will learn to love more. But what I really want is to be able to travel, eat out, wear fancy clothes, mahjong till late nights and never need to adjust my career or standard of living to the needs of a child…
However, I am trying to see the glass empty and full with both options.
I did lots of research, read ups and I must say less than a hand full of parents out there will tell you having kids was a mistake. It seems like it is a special moment for First-Time Parents when they saw their newborn. (I wonder how will I react? Will I tear when I see our baby? Will Teddy be as excited? What will his facial expression be?)
Being a parent is a twenty-four hour job, it is a call of another person that you are responsible for. It is a proven fact in a healthy family that having children means that you experience more love in your life. And it also adds more people to your world that love you. Your child won’t always love you, because there are times when they will say they hate you. But those moments are greatly outweighed by a spontaneous hug and genuine “I love you.” Their little actions could make you angry, could make you feel so loved. It will increased your patience and love. Of course, unknowingly, you will be a better person because you know that your little one absorb things fast and someday looks up to you as a role model.
To most of the married couples, having a baby doesn’t count as a choice, it was just the next step in a sequence of events that will take them from birth to death. I know that there are plenty who didn’t give having a baby a second thought until that pregnancy test came up positive. I am trying to make a logical decision about something I can’t hope to comprehend the impact of. You know.. It’s like trying to decide what clothes to pack, in total darkness, with your destination a mystery.
There are plenty of people who’ve chosen not to have a family, or been unable to do so for medical reasons, and who are leading full, happy and loving lives.
None of us has the luxury of regret-free decisions. A minority of those who choose child-free lives may regret it, but equally there are plenty of parents struggling with troublesome kids or in financial difficulty who occasionally fantasize about what their lives would be like without them. We humans are incredibly adaptable. Your life will shape itself around kids as easily as it currently shapes itself around their absence. There is no right or wrong and there are plenty of obvious reasons to deny ourselves the luxury of plentiful offspring.
Our lives are full of difficult choices and we need occasionally to remember what a luxury that is. I guess my dilemma is happily fuelled by the fact that we are pretty happy as two and ultimately only we can choose whether to offer that possibility to an as yet unborn being, or keep things as twosome.
Nevertheless, I can make up my mind all my want to but God/Mother Nature can have totally different plans. SO… For now, I am fulfilling my wifely obligations, to at least try for a baby and see how things goes from there. But if within these few years, god decides not to give us a baby.. We are still blissful and happy as two.
The Pros & Cons List
Reasons Not to Have Kids
1. It’s no longer about the two of you!
2. Get to spend on whatever you want!
3. You can swear like a sailor
4. You’ll not get worry over your kids education
5. You will have endless things to worry about
6. Do not need to have a child-friendly home (Plus.. You wont have toys lying around EVERYWHERE!)
Reasons to Have Kids
1. Having children turns a couple into a family.
2. You learn to be unselfish.
3. Children enrich your life.
4. You learn about yourself (Your limits/patience/temper)
5. You get to be a kid again.
6. You will want to stay healthy for your family.
Is it a Yes or No for you?